Almost 3 months old

It's been a long while since I posted photos of our new baby, so here is Brenzie who is turning three months old next week. Notice he is wearing a shirt that says he is my little monster... but on the contrary, he is really such a darling.

A Mother’s Heartbreak

My heart broke this week when our little Brenzie got hospitalized due to cough and colds.  He got the virus strain from Trixie and Brandon, so just imagine what our family is going through these days.  We decided to admit him at UST Hospital because he's barely a month old and he can't fight the virus on his own.  I was fighting back the tears while we were at the pediatrician’s clinic, waiting for the doctor’s orders for admission.  At the hospital, I witnessed twice how the doctors inserted tubes in Brenzie’s nostrils to suck out the thick mucus.  I also saw how they put in the needle through his wee little hand for the IV.  Watching those procedures was okay for me (I think Grey’s Anatomy prepared me for it) but hearing my baby’s cries was unbearable.  My poor little baby, you were so brave!  If only I could take the pain for him.  Thank God his lungs cleared already and he is now at home recovering.  I pray that something like this won’t happen again to any of my kids.

What to Expect When You're Breastfeeding

Through these three years that I've been a mother, I've had many friends who have asked for my experiences in breastfeeding.  Like most moms out there, I learned how to do it the hard way.  There are plenty of books about breastfeeding which tackle the science and how's of breastfeeding, but nothing quite prepared me for the real thing.  And so at 3am while breastfeeding Brenzie, I thought of writing about my experiences breastfeeding, hoping this might be of help to moms out there who are planning to breastfeed. 

So, what does it really mean when a mother decides to exclusively breastfeed her baby?  Well, aside from the fact that the baby will be getting a lifetime of benefits and the family will be saving a great deal of money (plus the nice perk of mom losing weight quite swiftly), I will honestly say that mom is about to experience something totally new and shocking.  Exaggerated, huh?  Well, it was really shocking for me.  Nobody warned me about the physical and emotional turmoil breastfeeding would bring.  Let me share my experiences.

1.  Breastfeeding was really painful.  Talk about sore and bleeding nipples for about a month.  Even though the baby's latch was correct, the nipples took getting used to, so everytime my baby nursed (which was like every hour!), I would cry and keep the pain to myself.  When my milk came, engorgement came along with it, which was also painful. 

2.  Breastfeeding was a sacrifice.  I had no sleep for about a year and I had this feeling that the only reason I'm alive was to be a "milking cow."  I couldn't go out on my own or have a date with my husband without bringing baby along.  (See photo on the right.  We brought Trix to HK and I breastfed on board the ferry to Causeway Bay.)  I didn't pump my milk; it didn't work for me--- I found it more of a hassle- sterilizing bottles, storing milk, having somebody else care for my baby (I didn't hire a yaya and we didn't live with our parents; we were truly on our own.)

3.  Starting to breastfeed was depressing.  I found breastfeeding (and baby care) to be more difficult than the lamaze birthing experience!  The struggle and pain seemed endless and I needed support badly.  I came so close to buying formula milk had it not for fervent prayers and Brandon who really supported me all throughout.  He was there when I cried and he never pressured me.  He encouraged me to go on by printing out flyers about the benefits of breasfeeding which he posted all around the room to constantly remind me that I'm doing the right thing.  This I couldn't forget: he told me that even Lucio Tan couldn't give our baby what I have- my own milk.  Thank God for my husband!

4.  Breastfeeding was the most difficult challenge of my life.  With all the pains and emotional struggles plus learning to love the baby in my arms, breastfeeding really tested my endurance and perseverance.  It took me a lot of strength of heart and body to keep going but after a month or two, everything normalized ("I got used to it" is a better way to put it) and I got to enjoy nursing my baby.  The bonding between Trixie and me brought fulfillment and I'm so glad I did it.  There were no regrets whatsoever.  Simply put, it was one of the best things I've done in my life.

To end, I just want to point out that this is my personal account only; other moms might have a totally different experience from mine.   I wrote this as honestly as possible just to give a clear picture of what's to be expected, but my hope is that moms would not be frightened by my account, but instead, be ready and eager to take the challenge.  I have become sort of an advocate of breastfeeding and I really, really want every baby out there to be breastfed.  Breast is best :)

Gehlai Fare

Most Fil-Chi women who have given birth would probably understand what I'm going through- the traditional Gehlai Experience- no baths for a month and indulging in foods that are "dyet" in nature (can't really find an English word for "dyet"). One good thing about this Gehlai is that I have all the time in the world to nurse Brenzie while taking care of Trixie, but I sorely miss being in the kitchen. And so this is the part where my mom and mom-in-law take active role in--- preparing most of my meals. Feast your eyes on these.

Trixie loves art

Before going to bed, Trixie usually spends time with Brandon doing all sorts of art. (Notice she's wearing PJs on both occasions.) She just loves doing art so for her birthday, I got her an easel board to expand her horizons.

The Second Pregnancy

There are not much books available that talk about the second pregnancy, but I chanced upon one at Books For Less (see photo at the right) and I learned plenty of things in it that I found to be true in my case.    I decided to write about it for the sake of those parents out there who are ready (or maybe not) for a second one.  Here is my list of lessons and experiences during my second pregnancy:

1.  Belly was bigger the second time around.  The muscles in my tummy area didn't forget the feeling of being stretched so stretched it did.  By my third trimester, I found people staring at me, telling me how big and low my tummy was and that I will be birthing soon.  Tell me ssomething I don't know, please!

2.  Movements from the baby were more noticeable.  Or maybe my little boy was more active than Trixie, I really don't know.  But I guess I was more sensitive the second time, but there was a time during the last month when I couldn't differentiate Braxton Hicks from the real one.

3.  It was more exhausting the second time around.  That's true for me being a full-time mom.  If during the first one I refrained from driving and had more time to rest and relax, it was the total opposite for the second one.  I drove Trix to and from school, went grocery shopping, and still cooked and baked for the family.  The first trimester was also more difficult for me- terrible morning sickness. 

4.  I was less enthusiastic to go to my OB for regular check-up every month.  I also lost track of the pregnancy period I was in, so when friends would ask me, I just sort of guessed haha.

5. I felt that I was less cared for by my husband and family members.  Well, probably because I was in a non-risky pregnancy, but just the same, if during the first one baby movements were anticipated, there was less (or none!) excitement during the second one.

6.  I was more worried about how my eldest would accept the baby than how my pregnancy was going (or even how I would take care of a second baby).  I even got very emotional during the first trimester at the thought of my not being able to put Trixie on my lap and stopping to nurse her (but she just stopped nursing all by herself during my second month of pregnancy, so the worrying was useless after all).  Good thing I was able to find books that somehow helped prepare Trixie for my pregnancy and the new baby (got them at Booksale and Books for Less, respectively)- "I'm a Big Sister" by Joanna Cole (see left photo) and "What to Expect When Mommy's Having a Baby" by Heidi Murkoff.  But even now that I've given birth, I still worry about how Trixie would handle having a baby brother.  But that's another story (or blog entry...).        

7.  There was pressure to have a baby boy the second time around because my first one was a girl.   Even people I don't know very well would say they hope the second one would turn out to be a boy.  Of course as a mom, my utmost concern was to have a healthy baby, but honestly, having a boy would be nice too.  I thank God our prayers were answered.  (Side comment:  Brandon was specially happy when we found out we were having a boy.  We had the ultrasound monitor all to himself; I was not able to see the baby at all!)

That's all I remember to be unique during my second pregnancy.  I hope this would be helpful to moms out there who are expecting a second baby or hoping for a new one.  If you'd ask me if I want to get pregnant again, my answer is a quick NO.  I hope not, really.  :)   

I've given birth already!

I am happy to announce that the agony of carrying a big bulge is finally over for me :)  I've given birth to a sweet boy last October 20 at 3:56pm.  Welcome my little darling- Brendan Andrews Yu Lim.  We call him Brenzie for short.