I am not one who grew up feeling excited about going to school. As a kid, I got depressed when summer was ending and school was about to start. I even dreaded Sunday nights because it meant next day will be Monday--- Going-to-school Day. Now, the feeling is back, but this time, it's not me who is going back to school but the kids. I can't help it, but I'm having the sniffles. It seems so silly but I am dreading the close of summer which means the kids will be away most of the day. The thought of not having the kids at home is breaking my heart. To think that I complain about not having enough time for myself! At this point in parenthood, I am the one suffering from separation anxiety. Over the summer, I saw Trixie transform from a clingy little girl to an eager young lady. I can clearly see that she now has a mind of her own and shaping her with discipline and wisdom is becoming more challenging. She also has a new enthusiasm for ballet that I've never seen before. She now doesn't mind it if I am not waiting on her while she's in class unlike a month ago when she would always check on me. It makes me so proud to see her dance with confidence while smiling without her front tooth! Just this morning, Trixie told me she feels that she's growing up every time she dances ballet. She then asked me why she grows up so fast. (I am asking the same question.) I think she felt the change within her too. To think that she is just six! What more when she turns 13?!! (I am so tempted to put OMG, but I kinda won't.)
For Brenzie, this June will be his first experience going to school. I spent one fun year attending Kindermusik classes with Brenzie and this time, he will be on his own. I am hoping he will take it well; I am hoping I would be okay too. Sigh. I have a baby no more.
The reality is I am going to miss spending mornings with Trixie and Brenzie. I will have more time for myself very soon, but the truth is, I am a little sad with this change in my life schedule. I will always have this ache in my heart knowing that there is no stopping the kids from growing up. I still remember those painful months of baby care when I wished they would grow up overnight to make it easier on me. I am glad my wish did not come true. I realized now that even though I spend every single day with them, I feel that I am still catching up on the changes happening to the kids. I see them everyday but I miss them when I am away at the shop for a few hours. I am glad to have peace and quiet when they are asleep, but I watch them while they are sleeping. Sniff again.
Oh the pains and joys of motherhood. Plus the fact that I am growing old, but that's another story.
Photo at right: I got this from Trixie on Mother's Day. Best gift ever.
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