How we dealt with school anxiety

Trixie is officially a preschooler.  She has been attending school at Little Sandbox for the past three weeks and miraculously so.  Let's just say that Brandon and I sort of had our "baptism of fire" as parents to a toddler during the first two weeks of classes and it is only now that we're reaping the reward- meaning stress-free mornings and relaxing lunches. I never thought we will have trouble sending Trixie to school because she had an enjoyable two months, attending summer play group and art classes.  She was familiar with the school already and she even happily attended the first two days of school- no crying, no forcing.  But we were faced with a terrible dilemma in the days that followed.  Trixie simply refused going to school.  She would bug me not to send her to school before she would sleep at night.  She would wake up many times early in the morning (not her usual habit) to plead and beg for me not to bring her to school.  It was even harder after she ate breakfast-- she wouldn't get ready for school and would plead and plead for us not to take her to school.  It was very heartbreaking for us to leave her crying so pitifully in the arms of her teacher and seeing her so stressed out at such a young age.  Then there's the issue of being "hurt" unintentionally by her classmates in school.  Trixie is quite petite (which is a non-issue for us) and she is not used to being with rowdy children, and so she gets bumped and hit by her classmates to her dismay.  It even came to a point where we contemplated not sending her to school.  I seriously had headaches for days just thinking we might have done something wrong and we desperately needed some good advice.   Last week became the "make-or-break" week for us.  Instead of going to school last Monday, we let Trixie stay at home since she was a little feverish and had a runny nose.  She happily obliged to stay at home with our maids as company while she "forced" us to go out.  She never allowed us to leave her at home in the past; she would always want to go out with us, so we were surprised with her decision, which was choosing the lesser evil (being left in the house instead of going to school).  Brandon and I took that opportunity to have a movie date (finally!) but we couldn't enjoy ourselves knowing we were sort of tricked by our own little girl!  It was a similar scene sending Trixie to school the following day and my headaches persisted.  We simply couldn’t go on like this anymore.  I started to search the Internet for articles about sending kids to school and I learned that there was such a thing as school anxiety or phobia and the feelings brought about by it to children should be taken seriously by parents (who wouldn’t?).  The advice given by the experts on how to deal with anxiety- just continue to send the child to school and she will eventually get over it.  It sounded too simple, huh?  I also read that a teacher in school would read the book “Are You My Mother?” by P.D. Eastman (see photo) to his students to help them cope with separation from their parents.  I bought that book a year ago for Trixie and I thought this was the opportune time to read the book to her, which I did starting Monday night (and everyday up to now).  She loved the book!  I stressed to her that even though the mommy bird left the baby bird in the nest at the start of the story, she still came back in the end.  Come Tuesday and Wednesday, it was the same banana for us.  She wanted to stay home again with our maid and I would have let her, but then I saw a naughty spark in Trixie’s eyes which told me I shouldn’t let her have her way.   (By the way, I must say that Trixie learned the wrong alphabet tune from our maid when we left her.  Imagine, I left her for a few hours only and she quickly learned the wrong song!  Warning for those who constantly leave their kids with the househelp – but that’s another story.)  And so I stood my ground.  I was firmer with the decision to send her to school and I calmly told her (a most difficult thing to do amidst her whining and pleading) that school is good for her and that she will go whether she liked it or not.  Since Tuesday, her teacher reported to us that once we left her, her crying shortened and the following day, it was a mere whine from her and she started having more fun in school.  We saw a miracle come Thursday.  She wanted to go to school already (she even brought Menthos for her friends) and in the car on the way to school, she wanted me to drive faster to get to school quicker.  On Friday, she was rushing me to bring her to school already and so we arrived way too early for her class.  She waved good-bye, hugged, kissed and told me “I love you, Mama” (truly unforgettable!) before letting me go and she told me that she knows I will be back.  Now, it’s a different story over the weekend.  She now tells me that she wants to go to school and so I’m glad that it’s another school day for her tomorrow.  What a journey it has been!  And so I thank P.D. Eastman for writing such a marvelous book!  I really don’t know whether or not the book really helped her, but the book was part of Trixie’s process of overcoming school anxiety.  And I thank God for answering our prayers.  Whew, being a parent is really heart-breaking, but like I said, there are always rewards in the end.